he tried.

I did yoga solo tonight; Chris was busy and decided to skip class. Afterward, I thought I'd unwind with a little bit of treadmill action (trust me, I pay extra attention to what I'm doing now). Now, World Gym is set up a little differently than Gorilla Sports, where I usually work out. The treadmills at Gorilla are in the old upper theater balcony, but the ones at World are at the edges of a big room where all the machines and free weights are located. This makes the World treadmills a great place to people-watch.

Or, as what happened this evening, a place to get cruised.

I noticed a guy walking back and forth in front of my treadmill. Now, that in itself isn't unusual...people walk in front of treadmills all the time. In fact, I didn't pay much attention to him at first, except to think to myself "He's kinda cute." The second time he walked by, he looked at me...about 5 seconds longer than a usual glance.

"Hmmm," I thought to myself. "You go there, Miss Susie Cruisy."

The third time he walked by, I knew I was being cruised, hard. I didn't mind, actually. He was kind of cute, black hair, nice build, handsome face, nice tan. I watched him do his workout, causally glancing away every time he turned around to look at me. It's a little skill I've picked up while living in San Francisco. I can ignore you and stare right at you at the same time. I don't do it very often, but when I do, I do it well. I learned it at Badlands. What can I say?

I soon finished my run and headed to the locker room. Lo and behold, guess whose locker was right across from mine? You guess it. Cruisy Cruiserson, and he was standing in front of me, half naked. Still in my own little world, I started undressing. Finally, he broke the silence.

"You were running pretty fast on that treadmill there," he said, smiling.

"Yeah, I guess. I like to sweat," I answered.

And the small talk continued from there. I like to sit in the dry sauna after yoga, and apparently, so did Cruisy. When I got to the sauna, he was standing there, holding the door open for me. "Thanks," I said.

"No problem," he replied, and sat down right next to me. We were the only two in there, but he still sat less than a foot away from me. I could see this was going to be interesting.

We chatted a little more. Suddenly, he asked me, "Do you run marathons?"

"No, why?" I wondered where this was going.

"You sure have the legs for it."

Bless your heart. "Really? Thanks." I didn't quite know how to answer that.

"Yeah, they're nice." He lightly poked my right thigh.

There was no doubt in my mind that this boy was a big major homosexual, especially since he started twiddling with his [quite large] uncut penis. It kinda looked like a baby elephant trunk. I felt a bit uncomfortable; I'm not one for gym sex. I think it's horribly tacky, and I am actually pretty disgusted when I happen upon two guys going at it in a steam room. There is a time and place for everything, and gyms are NOT a place for sex. Take it to the bathhouse, boys. Call me a midwestern prude if you like, it's just my personal opinion. I suspect Cruisy sensed this, because he quickly took his hands away from his weenie.

"I think I've had enough. Time to get out of here," I said, getting up and wrapping my towel around me.

"Yeah, me too." Cruisy followed me out the door. "Hey, this is nice," he said, fingering my tattoo on my shoulderblade.


We got dressed, and Cruisy offered to walk out with me. Stepping outside, he asked me, "So, where are you parked?"

"I don't have a car."

"Really?" he asked, a bit incredulously.

"Nope. Don't need one. I mean, I live in North Beach. Where the hell am I going to park?"

"You have a point. Well, do you need a ride somewhere?"

"Sure, would you take me to the top of Potrero Hill?" I had told Chris I would stop over at his house after yoga. He lives on the very top of Potrero Hill, the highest one in San Francisco, and I really didn't feel like trudging all the way up the hill if I didn't have to.

"No problem, I live on Potrero."

"Ex-cel-lent!" I said in my best Montgomery Burns voice. We walked down De Haro street a bit, and I wondered which car was Cruisy's. Was it the Jetta? Or perhaps the Impala? Or maybe that Toyota or one of those BMW's. Nope...turns out it was a bright orange New Beetle convertible.

I was sure he was gay before that, but now...well, not only was I sure he was gay, I suspected he was a bottom.

I climbed in, and off we went. We chatted a bit more, nothing too serious, just small talk. Turns out he moved to San Francisco only three months ago from Columbus, Ohio, and didn't know too many people. Actually, he's a pretty nice guy, intelligent as well as cute.

Halfway up Potrero Hill, I suddenly felt something on my leg. I looked down, and saw Cruisy rubbing his hand up and down my left thigh. "Hey now," I said, gently.

"Huh?" he asked.

"Whatcha doing there?"

"Rubbing your thigh, I hope you don't mind."

"Well, why don't you get to know me a bit better first?"

"Oh, sorry." He pulled his hand away, looking a bit embarassed.

"Don't worry about it, I just think it might be nice to hang out with you and get to know you. Besides, I don't usually fool around with guys right after I meet them." Now, that last part isn't necessarily true, but even if I was single, I would have done the exact same thing in this situation.

"Yeah, you're right. Wait, you live in North Beach. Why are you going to the top of Potrero?"

"Going to see my boyfriend."

"Oh." He looked really embarassed now.

"Hey, don't worry about it. You gave me your card, I'll send you an e-mail and we'll hang out. I'll show you around the city...I know where a lot of the cool spots are."

"I'd like that," he said, his cheeks still bright red. He was absolutely adorable.

"Okay, have a good night." I stepped out of his car, and he drove off into the night.

Welcome to San Francisco, guy.



At 14:42, Blogger Luis Blasini said...

Well, Prunella McPrude, at least something good came out of that. You made a new friend. You realise when you look back on that you are going to regret no doing anything.

At 19:57, Blogger Jon said...

Hmmm. You handled that better than I would have. Flirting and unwanted sexual advances are very different from each other, and if you ask me, he seemed a little too desperate.

At 20:27, Blogger Deviant said...

I don't know about you, but right out here in these parts we would say that you had "properly owned that man."

At 00:33, Blogger krenneke said...

Bathhouses are NOT for sex either. They are places to have a bath and relax. But they were later appropriated to become spaces to cruise and have sex. Just like massage. Massage is an important part of body health and harmony, but it has regretably started to be associated with sex to the point that most of the professional female "masseuses" won't accept male customers (this is my experience).
Not that I am against actual bathhouses though...

At 07:43, Blogger Matthew said...

"I like to sweat"? You tease ;)

Actually, that's probably the most graceful "thanks, but no-thanks" I've heard in a while. Nicely done.

At 10:27, Blogger Dantallion said...

Great post - it had everything in it. 'well-developed' characters, suspense, intrigue, humor, innuendo ('I like to sweat' - ahaha), and a moral.

And it gave me a little wood, too. ;o

At 13:42, Blogger rich said...

i agree... you are a tease.

At 13:54, Blogger Brian said...

I am SO glad I came across your blog, for a voyeur like myself, blogs like yours makes my life complete. Ok, so that sounds really pathetic, but it only sounds that way because its true.
Did you really get your ability to ignore and stare at someone at the same time from Badlands? I got mine from growing up a repressed fundamentalist christian that had a crush on the new preacher.
But I digress, two things I will take away from your blog and use as if it were somethign I came up with:
1. Cruisy Cruiserson - very fun, much like the Cranky Crankerton that I stole from someone else somewhere down the line.
2. The ability, as a gay man in a major metropolitan area, to look someone in the eye and say, "I don't usually fool around with guys right after I meet them". Wow! If I could lie that well I wouldn't have had to boink some of the loosers I have had to sleep with because I couldn't come up with a good enough reason not to.
You are an inspiration!

At 14:15, Blogger Zeitzeuge said...

Damn, I sure didn't expect that ending. But bless his heart the boy sure was trying, have to give him credit for that. :)

At 15:45, Blogger wcb said...

I absolutely LOVE this post. It's hilarious and the way you handled the situation was superb. Well done sweetie!

Now, how did you find out the secret association between a Beetle and a bottom? *grin*

Anyhow, brillina writing! Thanks for the laugh! :-)

At 16:23, Blogger hidden said...

Aint that too cute. I love it. Every bit of it. Especially the reference to the elephant trunk. YUM. You have so much class hon. Totally cool. The more I get to know you, the more I wish you lived next door. A totally cool guy that is as real as collard greens. Take care hottie.

At 19:41, Blogger Bernard Bradshaw said...

Cruela Di TEASE!

He tried, but you TRIED him. Man that was mean--and you USED that boy for a ride! You know what he wanted. He should have stopped his car and made your ass walk up that hill! Smile.

Great post.

Bernard Bradshaw

At 21:56, Blogger gazza said...

you *have* to share your car theories! i drive a very elegant, yet somewhat soccer mom-ish honda civic... what does that make me?

At 01:33, Blogger krenneke said...

I don't have a car, I don't even have a licence. What does that make me? Asexual?

At 02:44, Blogger blatantproof said...

hello! i came upon your blog a few days ago, i don't relaly remember how, but i have to say, i love it! you are an excellent writer. i was also browsing through your pictures you have up on that site and they're an awesome start. i've been taking pictures and developing my own stuff for years now and i love it. so, stick with it!

At 10:37, Blogger LashereD said...

Dang! What a marvy story! Nice blog u got here.

At 12:31, Blogger Alan said...

Hey...first time reader, first time caller....or whatever. Anyway...just found your blog from the GayBlogger's Tribe... Makes me weepy for San Francisco, even the crazy people in the coffee shops.

At 08:24, Blogger Knottyboy said...

Hey shayna maydala...
Ah the sites undt zounds of SF. Bring such feelings back. Damn I love that town. Been far to long since I marveled at the "gurls" on Castro. The lisping of the java jerks overshadowing the lisping of the essspressso machines at the local coffee bar.
Lovely yarn hon. Thanks for the mamories.

At 10:24, Blogger krenneke said...

did you call him or sent an email yet? ;-)


Post a Comment

<< Home

© 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008 by Chad Fox. All rights reserved.