life in the underground

I have to make this post quick because I'm headed to Trannyshack shortly, but once again, an everyday, mundane part of life in San Francisco took a turn for the surreal this evening.

I was heading down into the Civic Center MUNI station after getting off a rather uneventful 19-Polk ride, listening to "Captivate" by Nitzer Ebb. I was in a little industrial-goth orgy world, since I just loaded it on my iPod and it had been about 10 years since I had listened to that song. When I got to the bottom of the stairs onto the platform, a shabbily-dressed, twitching, hopping, scab-covered tweaker woman came up to me. She was probably not too much older than me, but looked horrid.

"Hey man! Hey man!" she yelled. I took off my earphones.

"Hi there."

"Is it like, really cold and windy outside?"

I wondered exactly how long she had been hanging out in the MUNI station. "Not too bad, actually."

"Are the winds like, 10 or 20 miles an hour?"

I thought this question was a little odd, but since I had forgotten my portable wind gauge I usually carry with me so I am better-equipped to answer such random questions, I had to guestimate the wind speed right there on the spot.

"I'd say the wind is a good solid 8 miles per hour."

"From the north or south?"

"Um, west, actually."

"Is it really cold?" she pressed.

"Not really. I'd say it's cool, but not cold."

"How cool?"

I figured since I had a few minutes to kill until my train arrived, I thought oh, what the hell. "Kinda like an air conditioned bedroom in the summer."

For some reason, this made perfect sense to her.

"What setting?"

"Hmmm...I'd say high cool, air exchanger open."

"So it's not stuffy outside?"

"Nope. Nice and fresh."

"Is it a strong air conditioner or a weak one?" she fired at me.

"I'd say at least 18,000 BTU's."

"Oh boy, I wish I had my scarf." She then started running up the escalator, but turned around and said, "Hey, thanks man. Stay cool."

I smiled at her, and walked toward the edge of the platform. The train pulled up, and I got on. The train was mostly empty, save for two men with mohawks in leather jackets sitting across the aisle from me. They had intense, serious expressions on their faces, and I noticed one of them was wearing a dog collar. They detrained with me at Montgomery station, and when they got up, I noticed the one with the collar was also attached to a leash. His owner/boyfriend yanked the leash and growled, "Come on!" as if it hadn't occured to him to walk towards the exit. I kept a safe distance hehind them.

When I got to the stairway, I passed a man with obvious severe obsessive compulsive disorder. He was well dressed, but touched the wall 5 times when he reached the bottom of the stairwell, then turned and touched the escalator rail 5 times. Then he spun in a circle, and touched each ticket machine once before selecting the one on the end. By this time, I was just getting hungry, and didn't want to see the rest of his routine.

'Tis life in the underground metro system in San Francisco. Who needs cable TV when you can use that money for a MUNI pass?

Okay, I have to run. Trannyshack awaits. :-)