happy birthday to me.

today i am 34 years old. thirty fucking four. how the hell did that happen? i don't "feel" 34, in fact i feel better, stronger, healthier, and more energetic than i did in my 20's. my body is much better too. people often mistake me for being in my mid or late-20's, but i kinda think i look my age. i did feel old recently when i was talking to someone in his early 20's and i mentioned samantha fox...and he had no idea who i was talking about.

c'mon...you're meaning to tell me you've never heard of samantha fox???



it was funny...my clock radio is tuned to 98.1 KISQ, the "yesterday and today" R&B station. anyway, apparently today is also their morning personality renel's birthday...because as soon as the alarm went off, all i heard were people saying "happy birthday!" over and over. in my morning fogginess i was a little befuddled at first, then once i figured it out i tried to call the station to wish renel a happy birthday. after 5 busy signals i said "fuck it" and made myself some tea. but anyway...happy birthday renel.



i will say i think differently than i did in my 20's...i don't get mad at the stupid stuff i used to, i have a lot more insight than i did, i see the "bigger picture" now, and my priorities have changed immensely. i've mellowed out...don't abuse myself nearly as much as i did 10 years ago, don't drink as much, don't do drugs at all anymore (except pot, which i've also cut back considerably), and try to get to bed at a respectable hour. well, i'm still working on that. nonetheless, let's just say i'm really glad to be the age i am...instead of loathing getting older, i'm embracing it and savoring it...because it just gets better and better and better. i wouldn't relive my 20's if you paid me. of course, i have to slather my face in firming night cream every night, 'cause i'm gonna fight these lines that are just starting to appear every step of the way...oh hell yes i am. but i draw the line at botox...that's just a little...evil. besides, injecting botulism toxin into my face just doesn't seem like a Really Good Idea.

anyway...i need to go into the kitchen now and finish making the homemade frosting for my birthday cake. i baked a spice cake last night, and i'm making buttercream cinnamon frosting for it this morning. i borrowed my neighbor's hand-crank mixer to make it, and she actually gave it to me. like said, "keep it. i've had it for 15 years and i never use the damn thing." how cool is that?? my first birthday present and i haven't even gotten dressed yet! (i was wearing boxer shorts and flip-flops when i knocked on her door. sorry hayden...didn't mean to startle you like that.)

today is MY day...the weather here in san francisco is gorgeous...the sky is crystal-clear, the breeze is warm, and it marks another year i've been around. and if you listen to KFOG 104.5 this morning, my buddy dave morey the morning dj is gonna say happy birthday to me. :-)

***UPDATE***

okay, it's a lot fucking harder to make cinnamon buttercream frosting than you realize. good thing all i was wearing were the boxers and flip-flops...my kitchen counter, floors, and backsplash are all covered in bits of frosting, powdered sugar, and cinnamon. not to mention...me. i actually got a bunch all over my chest...where's chris when you need him? ;-) anyway, my cake is done...it looks cool...and frosting a cake is actually quite similar to spackling a wall.

oh, and dave morey made me blush. he said something really sweet on the air...thanks, dave. :-D it'll be on again tonight at 10 PM.

and finally...happy 44th birthday, joan. you so fucking rock. and you always will.