news flash: chad fox meets ron jeremy

All week long, I've been seeing ads all over town hawking Ron Jeremy's appearance at Big Al's Bookstore in North Beach. Now, since I live approximately 100 feet from Big Al's, I decided to pop in and meet 'ol Ron.

There was a huge line when I got there, but I know the manager of Big Al's (because I buy condoms there...don't get any ideas, people) and he let me step into the front of the line, which was nice of him. Always taking care of the locals! There was a couple in line right ahead of me, and they were bickering the entire time. She kept pinching him:

Him: Stop pinching me! You pinched me! That hurt!
Her: Oh, quit being such a pussy.
Him: Don't call me a pussy!
Her: What do you want me to call you, then?
Him: I don't care, just don't call me a pussy!
Her: Fine, shut up, you cunt.

Oh, the filth! It was SHE, not HE, who dropped a C-bomb in the middle of the afternoon in North Beach! Only at Big Al's.

I, for one, was horrified.

Autographs were free, but to take a picture, even with you own camera, was $20 unless you bought something Ron-related. Then it was $10. What-fucking-ever, I thought, and snapped this with my nifty telephoto lens from the front of the store. I had the camera set wrong, so I had to adjust the brightness in Picasa, but you can clearly see I, Chad Fox, have taken an actual photo of porn legend Ron Jeremy:



How hot is that?

Anyway, when it was time for Pinchy and Cunt Bickerson in front of me to meet Ron, nothing short of brilliant hilarity ensued, although I was still absolutely horrified at the utter filth unfolding in front of me.

Him: Go ahead, show him your tits!
Her: Fine.

She lifted up her shirt, and her two enormous baboongas fell out. No, I'm not making this up.

Him: Yeah! Ron! Bite her titties!
Her: Yeah Ron, bite my titties.

Ron gladly started biting her titties.

Him: Yeah! Bite them hard! That bitch was pinching me!

Ron bit hard.

Her: Ow! Goddammit! That hurts! Ow! Ow! Wanna fuck me?
Him: Yeah Ron, fuck her! Fuck her in the ass!
Her: Not the ass, I had Indian food for lunch. Ow! Yeah!

Ron laughed, buried his face in her breasts, made fart noises with them, and they spent $100 in Polaroids.

I was scandalized and tittilated at the same time. And to think all of this was going on right around the corner from my apartment in my own little neighborhood.

When it was my turn, I just said, "Hey Ron, nice cock," and shook his hand. I mean, what else am I going to say to the guy? Personally, I have no idea why the hell he made it in porno other than his schlong, so I figured I'd compliment him on it. I handed him the little promo poster the store manager had given me, and he signed it.

So here you go...my autographed poster of Ron Jeremy:



Aaahhh...the American Dream.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. :-D