Who knew?

I had no idea this item was available at Target.

:::UPDATE:::

Target wised up and took that page down. The item was listed quite simply in the entertainment section as "Marijuana" for $25.25 plus shipping. Turns out it was a book, but the site didn't specify.

$25.25 was a bit pricy anyway; I found a better deal at Amazon.

happy thanksgiving!

here's an old picture i found...my mom, age 24, and my dad, age 28. the occasion: thanksgiving, 1971. the place: our tiny two-bedroom post world war-II brick house on east 256th street in euclid, ohio, 3 years before we moved to cleveland heights. i was still an only child, my sister heather was still 9 months into the future, and my sister hillary...almost four years away. the neighborhood may have been humble...mostly older, working-class slovenian folks, but my parents stood out as the youngest, most stylish couple on the street.

mom, you go with that outfit. dad, love the shirt and tie.

you both rocked then, and you both rock now. happy thanksgiving. i love you both.

xoxo

just like the movies

Tonight's the night they're shooting that Mark Waters film. The interior of my apartment has an eerie glow this evening; the entire alleyway outside is all lit up because it's temporarily been transformed into a movie set. It was a bit surreal to have my street look like something out of an Alfred Hitchcock film. However, to be honest, I wish it was like that all the time. It's amazing how lighting can take this alley - something I see every day - and turn it into a noir dreamworld.



I am going to bed tonight in a place that literally looks like something right out of the movies - surreally lit - and Reese Witherspoon running around right outside my bedroom window.

I so wish I had a better camera.



I have more pictures in my photoblog.

my life is so boring

when you compare it to my friend scott redwood in alexandria, virginia.



Bootysquad703: sugarbear
Chadfoxdotcom: hi there
Bootysquad703: OMG you missed a WILD night
Bootysquad703: My friend Matt and his BF Mike asked me to go out with them last ngiht, and so being the good friend that i am i said yes
Chadfoxdotcom: ok
Bootysquad703: we were going to Nations (its a dance club here)
Bootysquad703: anyway Matt shows up but mike baild
Bootysquad703: So I drive us to DC and we get there earleir then I thought, because i figured it would take time to find a parking spot
Bootysquad703: so we go into JR's which is a bar (reminds me of a bar in the Castro)
Bootysquad703: I order us drinks and go to pay for htem and this guy next to me says "put it on my tab" lol
Bootysquad703: So I thank him and we drink our drinks then I get us a cab to go to Nations
Bootysquad703: we get there at 9:30 but the club doesn't open until 10:00 so we go to KFC lol
Chadfoxdotcom: KFC...because popeye's is too high-falutin for you, right?
Bootysquad703: we walk in and we are the only white people. Everyone is BLACK and in full thug gear,
Chadfoxdotcom: OMG
Bootysquad703: LOL so i order me some popcorn chicken lol and we sit down lol they have James Taylor music playing lol
Bootysquad703: so at this point were already freaked out
Chadfoxdotcom: james taylor playing in a thug joynt?
Bootysquad703: lol yeah go figure
Chadfoxdotcom: well, from what i understand, james taylor has quite the following in many thug circles. he sings "you've got a friend" then busts a cap in your ass. i wouldn't fuck with him.
Bootysquad703: So anyway we go back to the club and get in, I again order us some drinks and matt hands the bartender 20.00 lol she hands him 20.00 back
Bootysquad703: So we're like sweet another free round of drinks
Bootysquad703: so we go back and order more, and ask how much and she says they're free till 11
Bootysquad703: So you know me lol i drank up :)
Bootysquad703: So i got really shit faced and started dancing and took my shirt off, was flriting with everyone and groping people
Bootysquad703: ended up going over to a table where they were selling porn and I picked a video out and said "hey this is my video i'm in this one" lol
Bootysquad703: So then this 6ft tall drag queen who is the owner starts talking to me lol
Chadfoxdotcom: wait...you did a porn?
Bootysquad703: I grab matt and we go outside, and this white stretch limo pulls up
Bootysquad703: the window goes down and i poke my head in and say hi lol
Chadfoxdotcom: oh god...once the white stretch limo enters the picture if can only mean trouble
Bootysquad703: So there is a black man and a black woman inside and they ask me about the club
Bootysquad703: I said i thought it sucked but i'm from los angeles anyway so i'm biased
Bootysquad703: she tells me to get in so i did and i got matt to go with me,
Bootysquad703: so we go riding around dc in a limo with 2 black people and we're talking about all sorts of things, and they have a bar in the limo so i'm drinking more
Bootysquad703: then they start snorting all this cocaine and offer us some
Bootysquad703: the limo stops and me and the black dude get out and go piss lol and we're like right in the open where everyone can see us lol
Chadfoxdotcom: did you take any cocaine?
Bootysquad703: I don't think so, but maybe who knows
Chadfoxdotcom: oh...you were THAT drunk
Chadfoxdotcom: i see
Chadfoxdotcom: go on
Bootysquad703: So then the black dude starts hitting on me LOL and then the girl calls for him so we get back into the limo
Bootysquad703: then she starts hitting on me lol
Chadfoxdotcom: oh no
Chadfoxdotcom: what was matt doing at this point?
Bootysquad703: Then I told the driver to take us to my car and they did and we went home, but man I am still feeling it
Bootysquad703: matt was all freaked out by the night and sitting in the corner wonder what the hell he got himself into with me
Bootysquad703: lol
Chadfoxdotcom: so...was there any nookie in the limo?
Bootysquad703: no
Bootysquad703: but I jsut spoke with matt and he said they picked us up becasue she wanted to see me play with her man
Bootysquad703: LOL
Bootysquad703: and to beat it all, the man is married with kids, but that girl in the limo was his mistress
Chadfoxdotcom: oh god...
Bootysquad703: lol
Chadfoxdotcom: and yet we're a danger to traditional marriage.
Bootysquad703: LMAO
Bootysquad703: I miss you boo, you should have been with me
Chadfoxdotcom: i would have loved to have ridden around with you, snorting cocaine with those philanderers in a white stretch limo
Bootysquad703: you know you would
Chadfoxdotcom: well...maybe a little
Bootysquad703: :-*
Bootysquad703: plus when you and i get together its like a force of nature :)
Chadfoxdotcom: OMG i know
Bootysquad703: no one is safe
Bootysquad703: lol
Chadfoxdotcom: it's like a controlled catastrophic car accident
Chadfoxdotcom: we leave a trail of death and destruction yet remain unscathed ourselves
Bootysquad703: So i had 5 vodka and cranberry, 1 alabama slammer, 1 long island, 2 sea breezes, 1 michelob ultra, and pinch of cocaine all last night
Chadfoxdotcom: oh...you took it easy, then?
Bootysquad703: yeah
Bootysquad703: went light on the liver
Chadfoxdotcom: LOL...your liver is your best friend
Bootysquad703: it hates me right now lol

happy birthday, hillybitch!

29!



today my sister hillary is 29 years old. she absolutely rocks, she's sassy, quick-witted, and doesn't take shit from anybody. you should send her an e-mail wishing her a happy birthday.

i love you, hillary!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

---

from her friendster profile:

Gender: Female

Interested in Meeting People for: Friends, Activity Partners

Status: Single

Age: 29

Occupation: Admissions Director

Location: Cleveland Heights, OH

Hometown: Cleveland Heights, OH

Hobbies and Interests: Travel, Baking, 80's music, 80's tv shows, Cleveland Browns, Cleveland Cavaliers, Cleveland Indians, Reality TV, Lionel Richie songs

Favorite Music: 80's, Lionel Richie, Duran Duran, power ballads, Stevie Nicks, El DeBarge, The Jets, New Edition, Ambrosia, Hall & Oates, Asia, Toto, Bobby Brown's Don't Be Cruel album, Bell Biv Devoe, NKOTB

Favorite Books: Blubber, Are You There God? It's Me Margaret, The Pistachio Perscription, Ramona Quimby Age 8, The Nanny Diaries

Favorite TV Shows: Survivor, The Bachelor, Amazing Race, $40 a Day, All My Children, Friends, SNL, Trading Spaces, 30-Minute Meals, Sex And The City, I Love The 80's, Felicity, Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, Food 911, The Look For Less, Dance Party USA, 90210

Favorite Movies: Sixteen Candles, Major League, Hoosiers, Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead, Ocean's Eleven, Love Story, John Hughes Movies, Pearl Harbor, Adventures in Babysitting

validation.

everybody knows san francisco is famous for its freakishly-steep hills. if you're a tourist or just visiting from somewhere else in the bay area, these hills can seem a bit daunting, scary even. in fact, my mom kind of freaked out when i made a right hand turn (in a rented oldsmobile alero, no less) from one twisted, steep alleyway behind my apartment, going uphill, onto another twisted (in the opposite direction) and steep street, heading downhill. she was convinced the car was going to tip over.

yes, it's that steep. don't believe me? see for yourself, i leaned out of my bedroom window and snapped this 2 minutes ago:



after living here for oh, 8 years now, you just don't notice how crazy the landscape is around here, and the hills just become another obstacle to overcome anywhere you walk. basically, i can run up and down them all day long without breaking a sweat.

well, maybe a little, but they sure don't slow me down.

so today, i was climbing the extremely steep hyde street hill. i was moving at a good pace, my forehead a bit dewy but otherwise it wasn't much of a challenge. i'm used to the damn thing. shit, i own that motherfucker now. hear that, goddamn hyde street fucking hill? i fucking OWN you, biatch.

oh hell yeah.

sorry...the endorphin rushes i get walking up the hills make me loopy sometimes.

so anyway, i noticed two tourists standing at the top, about two blocks ahead, but didn't pay much attention to them. they're everywhere, constantly asking for directions, which i always give accurately and with a smile. i consider myself an ambassador of the city, and if i'm nice, they'll go home and tell their friends how nice people in san francisco are, and they'll come back and spend more money and the city will collect more taxes and then the damn streetlights will be maintained and the water mains repaired and the potholes filled. it's a total win-win situation.

continuing on, a block further, i noticed they were both staring at me. as i got to the top of the hill, i just smiled at them as i passed by. they looked like they could have been from, oh, iowa or something, a man and a woman about my parents' age, maybe a little younger. the woman said something to me, but because i was listening to music, i couldn't exactly make out what she said.

"sorry, didn't hear you," i said, still smiling as i plucked the buds out of my ears.

"i said, nice ass you've got there," she replied. turning to her husband, she said, "don't you think, honey?"

"yup. it's a nice one," he blurted out obediently, staring at the sidewalk, not quite comfortable with what he just said.

"how the hell did you just walk up that hill like that?" she pressed.

"well, you just get used to the hills after a while, i guess," i said, sheepishly.

"well god damn they've done wonders for your booty. honey, just look at his ass!"

her husband looked at me pleadingly, as if to say, "you know, i'm sure you're a nice guy, and my wife is a really nice gal, but please don't make me look at your ass or comment on it. please. from one dude to another."

"well, thank you very much. both me and my ass appreciate the comment," i said, really grinning by now. i continued on my way, but soon heard a click behind me. turning, i saw the woman had snapped a picture of my booty as i walked away. i looked at her, smiled, and then winked at her husband. his cheeks totally pinked as he abruptly examined the sidewalk again. i know, i know. i'm bad.

come to san francisco, see the sights, take pictures of ass.

sounds like a plan to me.

the underwear incident

what you are looking at in the above photograph is the remains of the underwear i wore on friday night. you may wonder to yourself, "why it all tore up like that?"

gentle reader, read on:

friday night, chris and i went to the endup for fag fridays. we were supposed to meet juanita more there for cocktails and debauchery, a winning combination no matter how you look at it. throw in some juanita, some "more boys" and even more cocktails, and you're bound to have a good time.

so good, you just might get your underwear ripped and burned off of your body.

oh yes, you read that right.

it all started when chris decided to stick his hand down the back of my pants. i was wearing my absolute favorite pair of calvin klein briefs, because they're so comfortable and also showed off my butt and package quite nicely. chris had been tugging on them before, and had caused a small hole to rip, right in my taint area, in fact. anyway, chris started tugging on this hole, and made it much, much bigger.

"hey! what the fuck are you doing?" i protested. chris said nothing, but he got that really evil, evil look in his eyes he gets when he's about to inflict owies on someone. he grinned and yanked really, really hard. there was a loud ripping sound, accompanied by a few staccato yelps that burst forth from my mouth, partly because i couldn't believe my boyfriend would try to give me a power-wedgie at the fucking endup, partly because it kinda hurt.

but it was a good hurt. oh, you know what i mean.

by now, we had caused a small commotion that was attracting attention, namely mr. david, also known as glamamore. mr. david came rushing over and assisted chris in ripping my underwear up to my fucking armpits. now, juanita and a few of her boys were watching us at this point, along with some other club patrons, and then things got ugly.

at this point, the waistband was almost to my head, and one of my balls was caught in the remains of what was once the little pouch that holds your balls. i was in pain, but also laughing hysterically and maybe just a little tipsy. mr david, seeing i was in pain, whipped out his lighter and set part of the underwear on fire, causing it to eventually rip. the pressure finally relieved, the entire mess of torn spandex, cloth, and thread slipped over my head and into mr. david's hand.

they were completely fucking demolished. no, really. look:



i never even undid my belt buckle, and there i was, going commando at the goddamn fucking endup.

juanita decided to make a bracelet out of my underwear, wrapping one of the pieces of it around my wrist, the other part around chris's wrist. we spent the rest of the night like that, even afterward when our whole entourage went to grubstake on pine street.

but i digress.

juanita and mr. david decided they weren't done, and grabbed chris. within 30 seconds, his underwear were also torn off of his body and recycled as a bracelet. by now, juanita and david had the taste of underwear blood in their mouths and started grabbing unsuspecting patrons for underwear sacrifice. it was quite a sight to be seen...boys getting their panties torn and burned off for fashion's sake.

only at the endup, i guess.



the next day, i was fretting...my favorite pair of underwear was completely destroyed, so i decided to frame the transamerica pyramid in the waistband:



now, i took all of those photos up on my roof, and when i was done, one of my neighbors across the alley was staring at me, wondering why the hell i was holding my tattered underwear up in the air and snapping pictures of it.

if only he knew.

new poll.

i just came across a website where you can create your own polls, and i thought i'd throw one up here. so for all you local san franciscans or people who have visited our lovely, "vibrant" castro district or ridden our wonderful public transportation system, please feel free to participate. i stuck them in my sidebar.

i already voted for badlands and the 19 polk. big surprise.

in the public interest

ever wonder what our current terror level is? i sure do. in fact, i often fret before walking out my front door not knowing if i'm supposed to simply walk down the street carefree with a bounce in my step, or glower at everyone and look suspiciously at shifty-eyed cabdrivers like this one:



so i've added a new feature to my blog here in the sidebar, a terror alert indicator, now available at geekandproud.net.

in this day and age, it's important, no, critical to keep updated on our current terror level. at least that's what the united states government wants us to think. now, what exactly we're supposed to do during increased terror levels is murky at best, but if the government says it's important, then goddammit It Just Must Be So. however, i don't think we should all be running around scared and suspicious of everyone and everything, so why not put a muppet face on that terror level, huh?

today's terror level is:



now that's not so bad, is it?

and for future reference...that's about as political as i'm ever gonna get on this blog. i figure, i'm nobody important, so why the hell would i want to spout my political views when i can just laugh at, take pictures of, and blog about stupid stuff that happens to me every day?

like for instance, this picture i took of dr. phil at the church street muni station. i laughed all the way to montgomery street.

another dilemma

today when i got home, there were two pieces of paper, stapled together, lying in front of my apartment door. turns out it's a memo from two location managers from DreamWorks productions. apparently, they want to use my street, part of my block, and my apartment building in an upcoming movie titled, "if only it were true" ...due out next summer. it's starring ron bass, peter tolan, leslie dixon, mark ruffalo, and reese witherspoon (i googled it). it's the story of a man (mark ruffalo) who falls in love with a ghost (reese witherspoon) living in his apartment.

sounds like a real scream.

get it? scream? ghost?

aw, fuck it.

anyway, there is this little form attached to it that i need to fill out, basically saying i'm okay with the filming and could i please fax it back to them?

so should i be a dickhead and say "NOT IN MY BACKYARD!" (even though i don't have one) or should i be cool, promote the finally recovering film industry in san francisco?

oh why the hell not. sure. besides, i've always thought reese witherspoon is such a cutie anyway.

juanita.

on tuesday night at trannyshack, i saw the unthinkable. juanita more, at heklina's encouragement, eating out a boy's butt on stage. i was horrified...shocked...and also, incredibly amused. it was only for a second, but it happened. ladies and gentlemen, it made trannyshack history. so i sent her an e-mail.

me: hello juanita...it was good seeing you on tuesday. it was even better seeing what you did on stage...heklina can talk and talk about eating ass all she wants, but you delivered. now my life is complete.

juanita: chad, your life will not be complete until i eat out your ass.

tee-hee-hee...i love juanita. :-)

kimo's

just in case you ever wondered what the bathroom at kimo's on polk street ever looked like, look no further:



just a little self-portrait i made.

more to be added to this post a little later...think drunk trannies, a mortician, more drunk trannies, and some tweakers.

gotta love lower polk street.

put into perspective.

today, approximately 12:45 pm, i was walking down polk street, grumbling and grousing to myself.

i felt like crap because of the flu shot i got yesterday (i lucked out and won a lottery), my calves were aching from the gym, everyone was annoying me, i ordered chai tea and ended up getting a chai latte, even though i specifically said "CHAI TEA. NOT A CHAI LATTE. PLAIN CHAI TEA," yet still got the latte, some fucking cunt whore bitch pulled all the way across a crosswalk with her fucking bmw, forcing me to almost get clipped by a muni bus as i walked around her shitmobile, it was raining, my nose was running, i had no kleenex so i had to do a bike messenger blow on the sidewalk (did i mention i'm real classy?), i felt like i had to fart but couldn't, the stupid fucking bagel shop was out of salt bagels, and i had to pee.

suddenly, while crossing vallejo street at polk, i stopped growling for a second and actually looked up.



i grinned, both inside and out, and then the day didn't seem so bad anymore.

and people wonder why i carry my digital camera with me everywhere i go.

four times. aww yeah.

i was just noodling through the best of craigslist, and to my surprise, my free oatmeal giveaway, along with the photo illustrations i took, made the "best of" list.

yay! that makes FOUR POSTS of mine in that section.

four. wow.

let's review:

the first one, from thursday, december 13, 2001, was posted after drinking some of the strongest coffee i have ever had. at the time, i was working at the stormy leather factory in the accounting department, down in the gritty, somewhat scary, pitbull and burned-out car infested bayview/hunter's point district. i bought the coffee at one of those taco trucks that roam the neighborhood. trust me, they're the safest bet. i miss working there, though. i got to dress like this when i went to work:



the second one, from friday, march 22, 2002, was in response to something that really pissed me off while riding the n-judah that morning. i really did trip that kid. this particular post resulted in my in-box jammed with over 700 e-mails from bbw's all over the world. i actually knew a few of them, and they had no idea it was me who wrote that.

for illustrative purposes, here's a picture i took on the n-judah one night:



the third one, from tuesday, july 1, 2003, was in response to a woman who asked, "am i out of line for not returning a call to some guy who called my cellphone 27 times in an hour?" i composed it with my laptop while sitting on the toilet one morning totally half-asleep (i love wireless internet). i hadn't even had my coffee yet. scary.

now, if you're wondering who terilyn joe is after reading that post, she was a news anchor here on KGO-TV channel 7, later moving to KNTV-TV channel 11 in san jose. she had HUGE hair, LOTS of makeup, and looked like a scary drag queen half the time. i loved her. but she eventually fell from grace after angrily throwing eggs and tomatoes at maintenance workers removing ivy from her russian hill apartment building.

no, really. it happened. i do miss her, though.

this was her official KGO staff photo:



of course, after her little stunt she pulled, she was fair game for anything. i present to you, makeover fun with terilyn joe!!! it's from metroactive.com:







oh terilyn, where have you gone?

use your inside voice, chad! your inside voice!

one of the risks i take while listening to my little mp3 player in public is the chance i might suddenly start singing along with the lyrics of whatever i'm listening to...literally, sometimes i just start abruptly singing and don't realize it, and the words come bursting out of my mouth, tourette's syndrome-style. when i'm by myself, it's no big deal. in fact, i've been known to walk down streets singing to my heart's content. however, i did get hit in the head with a beer can once while riding my bike up page street hill while listening to "two occasions" by the deele (a 1988 r&b smoothbooty classic) on my walkman. i was singing it as i climbed the (insanely steep, i might add) hill, which apparently annoyed a resident of that block.

hit my right in the head. bounced off my helmet, though. safety first!

so after that, i made a concious effort not to be belting out anything in public, especially while listening to the vocoderized talk box magic of "more bounce to the ounce" by zapp & roger on the 12th street BART platform in oakland while a large, large black woman was standing right behind me.

thank god she had a sense of humor.

so anyway, today i found myself jamming to a little mix of mp3s i had assembled on my little rca k@zoo player (i really don't like it, i'd really rather have an ipod but my old roommate gave it to me). now, don't laugh, but i was listening to "roni" by bobby brown (yeah yeah, i know. but i actually *liked* that album when i was 17).

so there i was, on the montgomery street platform, waiting for a train...any train...to take me to civic center station so i could catch the 19 to yoga class. i was jamming quietly to myself, minding my own business, mind wandering, when suddenly i belted out "this is what a real tenderoni likes to do for you!!!" before slamming my mouth shut. oops.

god dammit, i wasn't paying attention again. keep in mind this wasn't the first time this has happened. of course, dozens of people turned around to stare at me, more than a few of them with incredibly amused expressions on their faces.

i think i just need to tape my mouth shut when listening to r&b music in public.